The Greatest Party That NeverOfficiallyHappened
by Slim Gohan
Summary: On the eve of his first child being born, Garp has Gol D. Roger cornered once more. However, instead of fighting, Garp and Roger agree to throw the greatest party ever. This is the story of the party the World Government didn't want you to know about.


The Greatest Party That Never (Officially) Happened

By Slim Gohan

Disclaimer: **I do not own anything. The series belongs to Eiichiro Oda, Toei, Shueisha, Funimation etc. **

A/N: I had intended on only doing one story, but I had another idea that was too good to pass up. This should be much shorter than the Shichibukai story though. I admit, I had to take some liberties with crew members. Plus, Garp is such a fun character to write. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

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Gol D. Roger was in this position several times before. At one point, he had kept track of all the times Monkey D. Garp's unit had tracked him down, cornered, and had fought to the death. However, Rayleigh had made fun of him for it, and he hasn't remembered since.

But today, something was different.

Yes, Garp's ship had followed him, and yes, Garp had him cornered between a stretch of New World land, and Garp's ship…

…but something was different.

"Oi! Stop moving for a second!"

Crocus disagreed. "Roger! What in the hell are you thinking? Seriously, have you rummaged through my special medications?" Crocus paused to think, and then followed up. "Again?"

Rayleigh laughed. "Let's just do what the Captain says. I'm sure he has a reason. Besides, we all got into your special stash at one point."

"That's it! A lock goes on the box!"

Roger interrupted, and turned to Rayleigh. "Can you feel it, Partner? Something's wrong with Garp."

Rayleigh raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. Whenever Roger had a feeling of something, it was usually accurate. And now, he was curious about what was happening. "ALL HANDS, STOP THE ORO IMMEDIETLY."

Roger stood atop the Oro Jackson's figurehead, and flagged his longtime rival.

____________

Meanwhile, Monkey D. Garp was pacing back and forth.

"Oh God, I hope nothing is going wrong. Oh no…ANOTHER DOUGHNUT!" An unnamed Marine ran over to the Rear Admiral with another doughnut (or two). Garp's second in command, Bogart, only shook his head.

"Only you would call for another doughnut during a crisis, Boss."

"IT'S ONLY DUE TO CONSIDERABLE STRESS!" He then inhaled the doughnut and demanded another.

"Relax, Boss. Everything is going to be fine, and plus, we've been chasing Gol D. Roger for a couple miles now."

"We have? That's great! Bwa ha ha! But I haven't had an update recently! Oh God, what will I do!"

Garp kept pacing back and forth, wondering why his Den Den Mushi wasn't ringing, when his protégé ran up to him.

"Rear Admiral, Roger is hailing you from his figurehead!"

Garp looked toward the Oro Jackson, and saw this to be true. "I appreciate it, Kuzan. You can go back to secretly napping in the break room now. Bwa ha ha ha ha!"

Ensign Kuzan smiled. "Thank you, Rear Admiral." He slid his sleep mask down, and walked away…right into a wall. He fell down, and immediately fell asleep. Garp walked up to his figurehead, and stood on equal ground as his rival.

_________________________

"GIVE YOURSELF UP ROGER, OR I WILL BE FORCED TO START THROWING CANNONBALLS AT YOU REALLY, REALLY HARD!"

"IF YOU DO THAT, I WILL BE FORCED TO START HITTING BACK CANNONBALLS AT YOUR SHIP REALLY, REALLY HARD!"

"YOU COULDN'T IF YOU TRIED!"

"WANNA BET?"

"YES! I WOULD, ROGER!"

Gol D. Roger shook his head, and made a mental note to play cannonball baseball the next time Garp chased them down.

"WHAT'S WRONG GARP? YOU DON'T SEEM LIKE YOUR NORMAL "BWA HA HA" SELF TODAY."

"NOTHING!"

"YOU'RE LYING TO ME!"

"I KNOW!"

"YOU CAN TELL ME, GARP! WE'VE BEEN FIGHTING TO THE DEATH FOR YEARS NOW! THAT MAKES US, LIKE, BEST FRIENDS! SO, WHAT'S WRONG?"

Garp shrugged for a second. They have fought to the death an awful lot, and because of that, they did know each other really well. You really couldn't beat that logic.

"THE TRUTH IS…MY WIFE IS HAVING A BABY ANY TIME NOW!"

Roger was floored. "CONGRADULATIONS! IS IT YOUR FRIST CHILD?"

"YEAH!"

"DID SHE HAVE IT YET?"

"NO! THAT'S WHY I'M WORRIED!"

"YOU SHOULDN'T BE WORRIED! SHE'S PROBABLY JUST IN LABOR, OR WHATEVER. ANYWAY, MEET ME AT THAT ISLAND!"

"WHY?"

Roger smiled. "IT ISN'T EVERY DAY THAT YOUR ETERNAL RIVAL SLASH BEST FRIEND HAS HIS FIRST CHILD! WE'RE GOING TO PARTY! MY CREW AND YOUR CREW!"

Garp laughed loudly. He turned around to his crew, and gave them the orders to head full speed toward the nearby island, and to prepare lots of food and alcohol. Bogart just shook his head, and made sure all of the underlings followed the command to the letter.

Roger turned around, and gave the same order to his crew. Rayleigh just shook his head, and made sure it was done.

"YOU HAD BETTER BE THERE ROGER, OR ELSE I REALLY WILL START THROWING CANNONBALLS AT YOUR ASS!"

"TRUST ME, GARP! IT'S A PARTY! HA HA HA!"

And so, the two grand vessels made their way toward a local island with only one thing in mind…

…to get _totally_ wasted.

_____________

Once the two ships docked, things began to happen. Both crews brought out enormous amounts of food, rum and other liquors, began to set up canopies and a pit to cook the meats. Everyone was hard at work, with Rayleigh and Bogart organizing it all.

Meanwhile, Roger left his ship was standing outside of Garp's Marine vessel, waiting for the man himself to appear.

Garp did not disappoint. He left his ship with a Den Den Mushi in one hand, and a sleeping Kuzan over his other shoulder. Once he reached land, he set his young protégé on the ground and walked over to his Rival. Roger, always the unique one, opened his arms wide, and once Garp was in range, gave him the biggest hug a pirate has ever given a marine.

Rayleigh slapped his hand to his forehead, and shook it once more. "Only you would do that, Partner." Bogart disagreed. "Then apparently, you don't know my boss, Dark King."

"BWA HA HA! You call that a hug, you damn pirate? This is how you hug another man!" Garp broke Rogers hug, wrapped his arms around the other man, and lifted him off the ground.

All without breaking the ever valuable Den Den Mushi. It was pretty impressive.

Once the manly greeting had ended, Roger called over one of his cabin boys, who brought over two mugs. He handed one to Garp, and kept one for himself.

"OI! I WANT EVERYONE'S ATTENTION!"

Some of the Roger Pirates stopped, but most kept trying to set things up.

Garp shook his head, and followed up. "HEY DUMBASSES! LISTEN, OR I'M GONNA START THROWING CRAP AT ALL OF YOU! BWA HA HA!"

Roger had everyone's full attention after that. Even Kuzan's.

"Thank you Garp, NOW, I WANT TO RAISE A TOAST! TO MY FRIEND AND ENEMY, REAR ADMIRAL GARP AND HIS WIFE, WHO ARE EXPECTING A LITTLE HELLSPAWN! SO, IN HONOR OF THE NEW MEMBER OF THE MONKEY FAMILY, WE HAVE CALLED A TEMPORARY, 24 HOUR TRUCE, AND WE ARE GOING TO GET TOTALLY PLASTERED! TO GARP!"

Every member of the two crews raised their hands in the air, and shouted in agreement, except Rayleigh and Bogart, who raised their own glasses. Garp and Roger clanked glasses, and downed their drinks.

____________________

Only an hour later, did the party end up in full swing. Cooks from both sides were slaving over the firepits making an absurd about of meat. However, no one had the heart to tell them that the food quality was declining after each serving, because, at this point, the cooks were completely drunk (and really shouldn't have been handling food).

Both Pirate and Marine were laughing at the others jokes, telling stories, throwing the odd punch or kick at someone because their mother was insulted, and lots and lots of drinking. It was no surprise that both ships carried an absurd amount of alcohol, but the way these crews were drinking, even this wouldn't last.

Still, no call.

"Damn! Still no call from the doctor or my wife! I gotta know about my kid! Roger, how long does labor usually take?"

"Why would you even ask me that?"

"I donno. I just figured you'd know! Maybe through experience or something?"

Roger stood up, and dropped in pants right there. "See that? That's my Johnson! That proves that I have no idea how long it takes to give birth!"

Garp was not insulted that his eternal friendly rival just flashed him. "Oh yeah?" Garp stood up, and dropped his pants too. "Your sword might be big, but mine is just as impressive! BWA HA HA!"

"You might want to get your eyes checked! GA HA HA!"

"Dammit, you idiots! Pull up your pants! Can't you tell when we have company!"

"Aww, don't be like that flower-head. This just means we are welcome to all who want to join the party! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"

Roger laughed, but Rayleigh came up and smacked him upside the head. "Partner, this is no time to be laughing. _He_ decided to crash the party."

Roger raised an eyebrow. Garp looked at Bogart and Kuzan, who both confirmed Rayleigh's message.

The two great men pulled up their pants, Garp grabbed his Den Den Mushi, and the two drunkenly ran over to the sandy beach.

And there, in the ever closing distance, was the great flagship, Moby Dick.

"Aww crap. White Mustache!"

"Roger, it's Whitebeard!"

"That's what I said."

"Bwa ha ha!"

____________________________

Whitebeard scratched is head. "Why in all hell would Gol D. Roger and Rear Admiral Garp be drinking together? Something here doesn't add up." He wasn't just going to blow them up, as he respected his two rivals (and that he had morals, which was different for a notorious pirate.) He just had to find out.

The massive Pirate Emperor walked up to his figurehead, and called to his eternal rivals.

"ROGER, YOUR PANTS HAVE FALLEN DOWN!"

Garp and Roger both looked down, and there for all to see, were Gol D. Roger's skivvies.

"Oh my, this is embarrassing." He quickly pulled up his pants, and buckled his belt even tighter.

"THANKS EDDIE!"

"NO PROBLEM, G-MAN. NOW, GIVE ME A REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T BLOW THE ISLAND YOU'RE ON, AND THE TWO OF YOU STRAIGHT TO THE DEPTHS WHILE YOUR PANTS ARE LITERALLY DOWN?"

Garp looked down, and saw that, in fact, his pants were not down.

"MY PANTS AREN'T DOWN! HOW DARE YOU!"

"Gura gura gura gura. ANSWER ME, OR DIE!"

Roger was the one to answer. "GARP IS HAVING HIS FIRST KID! WE'VE CALLED A TRUCE, AND WE'RE CELEBRATING THE OCCASION!"

Whitebeard was taken aback. The reason for the celebration was now clear, and that very reason made him angry. Newgate looked at his first division commander, Marco.

"Can you believe this, Marco? Can you really believe this? My two biggest rivals and enemies are here, on this little crappy island, celebrating…..without ME?!?!? This is UNFORGIVABLE!"

Marco shrugged. "If you want to go to their massive party, just say so. Don't be like a friggin' schoolgirl, Captain."

Whitebeard got defensive. "Hey!"

Still, Marco stood his ground. "The last time you were not invited to something Roger did, you spread a rumor that he has terrible B.O."

"But…"

"Then, you said he was dating this ugly ho-bag who gave him herpes."

"Damn, you're good."

"Thank you Captain. Now, why don't you invite yourself to their party? I mean, you all have fought to the death so much, you're pretty much friends."

Whitebeard smiled sadistically, and turned toward Roger and Garp.

"YOU ASSHOLES! WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME? I MEAN, WE'VE ALL FOUGHT TO THE DEATH NUMERIOUS TIMES! THAT MAKES US, LIKE, SECOND COUSINS!"

Garp and Roger looked at each other. "You know Roger, you can't argue that."

"Yes I can! He said I had herpes!"

"Roger, Second Cousins say that all the time. And he was only mad because you gave him the cold shoulder the last time you threw a party."

"You're right Garp. Plus, this is about you. Man, now I feel like a jerk."

"So do I. NEWGATE, DOCK AND GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE! MY WIFE HASN'T HAD THE KID YET, SO BRING MORE BOOZE!"

Whitebeard smiled, and turned around, and Marco was right there waiting for the order. "You heard him, Marco. We're docking. Get the booze."

Phoenix Marco smiled. "As you wish, boss. ALL HANDS, WE'RE DOCKING THE MOBY DICK! GET THE BOOZE, AND PREPARE TO GET TOTALLY WASTED!!"

The Moby Dick soon docked. Whitebeard jumped from the deck, straight to the sandy beach. He walked over to Garp and Roger, and gave them both a giant hug. (Which made sense, because Whitebeard is a giant. Kinda.)

_________________

So, the party continued. The food kept coming, the laughs were plentiful, the clothes generally came off some sailors and pirates, a guy was frozen, and most importantly, the booze kept flowing.

In one corner, Bogart, Crocus, Rayleigh, and Marco were debating the finer points of being the first mate/division commander/doctor, and how much tail they all get because of it. Also, they were talking about whales, and whether or not it was possible to build a little island in their stomachs.

Meanwhile, Whitebeard was telling Garp and Roger a famous tale.

"…and so, the Samurai Ryuuma slew the summoned dragon in one mighty stroke! He cut the mighty head clean off…a feat never done since."

Roger scoffed. "I've seen many things during my travels, but a dragon? I have a hard time believing that story!"

Garp nodded intently. "A Dragon, huh? How do I summon one?"

"The scoundrel swordsman, D.R. had a horn that could summon a dragon. But the horn broke when Ryuuma cut D.R. in two."

"You know, I've always wanted to see a Dragon."

"Really, Garp? You believe Newgate's story?" Garp nodded yes, and Whitebeard interjected.

"Wait until you visit the Wano Country, Roger! You'll find it in the New World. The skeleton is still there, for all to see!"

"Are you sure it isn't like a dinosaur skeleton, like Little Garden?" Whitebeard shook his head.

"No, I'm talking about an actual Dragon skeleton."

"I'll believe it when I see it…"

But then something silenced them. In fact, the noise silenced everyone…

The Den Den Mushi was ringing.

Whitebeard and Garp looked at the Mushi almost nervously. Bogart had made his way to the Rear Admiral's side in anticipation. Garp nervously answered the Mushi after the fourth ring.

"Hello…yes, this is Garp…."

Garp went silent, and you can literally hear a pin drop. Garp nodded several times in response to what was being said on the phone. Roger, Bogart, and Whitebeard were all holding each other nervously.

"Thank you Doctor…." Garp held his hand over the mouthpiece, and faced everyone.

"_**IT'S A BOY!!!"**_

A loud cheer arouse from the island, but was quickly quelled, because Garp was now talking to his wife.

"What do we name him? Do you have any ideas, dear? You want me to name him?"

He looked over to his assistant and two notorious pirates, and was immediately inspired.

"What about Dragon? Monkey D. Dragon!….No, I am not drunk! How could you suggest…oh…"

Garp turned around once more. "Roger, Newgate…my wife says hello."

In unison, the pirate captains both gave a "Hello Mrs. Monkey."

"Honey, I always wanted to see a Dragon! And now, I will! Plus, it's a pretty awesome name. Yes, if you agree to the name, I will buy you that purse you've always wanted….I love you too. Call you later."

Garp hung up the phone and faced the anxious crowd. "HIS NAME IS DRAGON! MONKEY D. DRAGON!"

And a cheer rose up from the masses once more, and the party continued into the night.

_**___________________**_

**"…And I have never been more drunk in my life."**

**Coby and Helmeppo looked at each other, and then back at the Vice Admiral. **

**Helmeppo was the first to speak. "Vice Admiral Garp, what did the Fleet Admiral say when he heard about this party?"**

**"Bwa ha ha! He was super pissed!"**

**Bogart explained further. "Kids, Garp then when on to say that he 'shouldn't have been working anyway, and because of your dumbass decision, I missed the birth of my son.' And then was cleared of all wrongdoing."**

**"Plus, I got a three month vacation! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"**

**Bogart continued. "The World Government covered up the incident, so, officially, it never happened." **

**Coby and Helmeppo shrugged again. **

**"Helmeppo, when we increase our ranks, we have to have a party like that with Luffy and Zoro."**

**"Yeah, and maybe Eustass Kid can crash the party like Whitebeard did."**

**"It'll be totally awesome…" **

**The two were both smacked with Fists of Love. **

**"Idiots! You're both one hundred years too young to be able to totally party like that!" But Garp then smiled at his protégés. "But you'll get there. Bwa ha ha ha ha!" **

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_**Thank you for reading. Please review, and tell me what you thought of it. **_


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